You pointed out worries concerning the awkwardness of really resting because of the man, and concerns about being truly a ‘dud’. Release this. In my opinion, and also this is irrespective of sex, things have a tendency to just work themselves out fine whenever both folks are excited and involved with it. Passion alone will be well well well worth significantly more than a technique that is perfect. Put in a small interaction into it, and you also’re golden. Therefore just be sure which you wait ’til you are all excited for this, okay? published by amelioration at 10:50 have always been on might 30, 2009

Seconding, thirding and n-thing: be upfront with this, that might perhaps maybe not (or might, according to him) be a deal that is big. Bonus: he is the man that is first tickled your interest. Huge ego boost! Disadvantage: talking as an etero man, now he’s got 200% associated with the competition for you, which could result in a bit that is little of on their part relating to your relationship.

Lots of men have actually dreams about girl-girl-boy threesomes. Only a idea to help keep into the relative straight straight straight back of this mind. See above paragraph on competition for drawbacks and just why he is unlikely planning to ask to ‘bring a friend’. YMMV.

Most readily useful of fortune! published by _dario at 10:55 have always been on might 30, 2009

I have been what your location is too. We are still together. Nthing keep in touch with him about any of it before such a thing occurs, also it may additionally be beneficial to acknowledge that possibly it will you should be embarrassing (or embarrassing initial time/first few) and therefore does not should be a poor experience, particularly if you can keep in touch with one another about any of it.

It kind of noises, as other commenters have actually revealed, that the relevant concern of identification can be boating – you realize, “Am I ‘bi’ now, or exactly exactly just what?” Like it shouldn’t seem like such a big deal for me, personally, it was a very difficult question, even though at the time, I felt. In retrospect, If just I’d accepted that it was quite difficult for me personally. Dating a man tossed off plenty of a few ideas I’d about myself and in addition it cut me removed from a feeling of being element of a community that is queer and I also think that is a typical feeling, no matter what highly one thinks (if certainly one does) that sex does not figure out identification.

Eventually, we made my comfort along with it. It assisted to own more conversations about this with my buddies, and discover, as an example, any particular one of these was at a lesbian help team, and also at one point them all had been dating dudes! It don’t change anything basic in them, in addition they did not need to use any terms they don’t would you like to. They might feel nonetheless they desired about whomever they desired. This did not allow it to be any less awkward to re-think whom they certainly were, however. But whether or perhaps not you stick to this person, we bet this is an appealing minute inside your life, one which offers you some insights into your self along with your surroundings and exactly how you need to live. published by thesmallmachine at 12:11 PM may 30, 2009

If it will help, you aren’t the initial individual to see this situation that is unusual. Exciting simply to be as honest and upfront along with your partner.

Good fortune! published by lyndhurst at 12:12 PM may 30, 2009

snugglebunny: “And what is an individual who identifies as a lesbian doing dating some guy anyhow? I believe you are establishing your self and him up for a complete large amount of difficulty.”

Um snugglebunny, have you been severe? I did not understand that when you checked the “gay” box you had beenn’t permitted to date anybody for the sex that is opposite. The OP don’t signal some type saying “I’m a lesbian and certainly will never ever touch some guy once again.” Sheesh! Although we have a tendency to love to label sex (and sex) in good, neat, check-able containers, the ordinary facts are it’s *not* that facile.

OP, this is certainly understandably throwing you through a cycle, partly since it’s messing with your self-identity. That’s normal. And you also’re afraid since you haven’t been with some guy in a little while. That is additionally normal. But try not to *ever* allow anybody inform you you “should not” be doing one thing simply as it does not fit due to their notion of the way you ought to be. posted by radioamy at 12:21 PM may 30, 2009 [4 favorites]

I will be a right guy and and, not so long ago, I became dating a woman whom defined as a lesbian. perhaps maybe not bi, a lesbian. it absolutely was a relationship that is good. we lasted for 5 years and then we’re nevertheless really buddies.

and she arrived on the scene of it using what katherineg called her “lesbian road cred” intact. if you ask me (which will be, admittedly, restricted), that kind of thinking about sex and sexuality is certainly not a great deal the way in which things are done any longer. It’s interesting, for example, that this presssing issue did not ensure it is oklahoma city sugar daddy into the concern after all. and i love what thesmalmachine and radioamy have actually to state, and so I’ll leave it at that.

so when you stated you didn’t wish to be a ‘dud,’ i did not think you had heightened sexual performance in head; we thought you suggested you don’t would like a relationship to go south with this man therefore immediately after the past one. published by spindle at 12:35 PM may 30, 2009 [1 favorite]

In reality he will most likely not care anyhow. Considering just just exactly how lesbian that is much guys view, he could extremely very well be more into you due to it. published by Ookseer at 12:51 PM may 30, 2009 [1 favorite]

Telling him “I’m a really lesbian” (your terms) will be equal to telling him, “I’m perhaps maybe not interested in you.” If you should be interested in him and would like to date him, you aren’t a lesbian. You are bisexual. Just how do you simply tell him this? What about: “I’m bisexual.”

How can he is told by you you’ve just dated girls into the past? Think about: “I’ve only dated girls in past times.” Or “I’m bisexual, but I have a tendency to choose girls/women.” You should not justify this preference. Either he will have trouble he won’t with it or. In any event, you are going to both be much better off continue with honesty and openness. published by Jaltcoh at 12:54 PM on May 30, 2009